The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have fence marks all over my body
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
