the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
