It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
vagina is talking i cant
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
