How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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