Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
