Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize