If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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