If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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