the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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