U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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