you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
