i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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