bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
