here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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