i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize