mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize