I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize