I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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