i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
