That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
