I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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