Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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