I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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