after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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