I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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