i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
