god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
