Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
