so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize