i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm like, not good at living.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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