Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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