I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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