If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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