I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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