I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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