I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
