I cockslap morals
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize