The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
