I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
