Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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