Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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