no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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