all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
