I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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