i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He? As in you personified your dick?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
dude. I can hear the air.
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