and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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