i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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