The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
