The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
