and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
