he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
