just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize