His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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