Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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