she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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