I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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