Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
