new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
