today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
