Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
