Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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