New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
