I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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