you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
